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What is Metta
Mettā, often translated as "loving-kindness," is a fundamental practice in Buddhism that cultivates unconditional love and compassion for oneself and others. It is more than just a simple meditation technique; it is a way of being that fosters a profound sense of interconnectedness and empathy. When I first stumbled upon Metta through the teachings of Sharon Salzberg and Oren J Sofer, I felt a real call to practice Metta as it was strongly in line with the teachings of Jesus and I knew that Metta was an actionable way to build my compassion muscles.
After several years of mindfulness meditation practice and working to be self-aware, I noticed that many of my conditioned responses to people and situations were not arising from a place of loving-kindness. I realized my conditioning had left me frequently orienting from a place of jealousy, fear or scarcity. I wanted to come more consistently from a place of open-hearted kindness and warmth, so I decided to give Metta a try.
Metta meditation has since been the progenitor of some of the most profound moments of my practice and my life. I think of Metta meditation as an exercise in strength building. Just like I know I need to life weights to grow stronger or spend time mindfully stretching to gain flexibility, I know that I have to put in the time and practice of Metta to have the internal resources to orient from a place of kindness. Just like seated mindfulness practice helps us to be more mindful in moments of grasping or stress, Metta practice helps us to practice lovingkindness in moments that are emotionally taxing.
Origins of Mettā in Early Buddhism
The practice of Mettā finds its origins in the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, who lived in northern India around the 5th century BCE. The Buddha introduced Mettā as part of the *Brahma Vihāras*, or the "Four Divine Abidings," which are four states of mind that cultivate positive qualities. These four are Mettā (loving-kindness), Karuṇā (compassion), Muditā (sympathetic joy), and Upekkhā (equanimity).
The *Mettā Sutta* (Loving-Kindness Discourse) is one of the earliest references to this practice. In this sutta, the Buddha describes Mettā as a state of mind that should be developed towards all beings, without discrimination. The practice involves silently repeating phrases that express wishes for well-being, safety, and happiness for oneself, loved ones, neutral people, and even those with whom one has difficulties.
There are traditional phrases used in Metta meditation that vary slightly from teacher to teacher but often, practitioners are encouraged to create their own. If you're looking for inspiration or a place to start, this is a beuatiful practice guided by the great teacher Thich Nhat Hanh.
How Metta Can Impact Your Nervous System
As a nervous system regulation specialist I often think about how my meditation practice can be used as a tool to support healthy ANS functionality. Over the years as I've practiced Metta I've come to find at least two ways that Metta has helped me to better find balance and to cultivate resilience.
The opposite of fear is not courage it is love- the calming power of Metta for anxiety
Over the years of my practice, I have been told by teachers that loving kindness can work as an antidote to fear but I guess somehow I didn't fully realize how it could also work as an antidote to anxiety. Realization came for me during a week-long retreat at the Insight Meditation Center where I practiced Metta in walking and sitting for the duration of the silent retreat. There were several moments of insight from that retreat, but one occurred after the retreat, as I moved through the airport on my way home from Boston to Seattle. Usually in airports I am in a state of chronic sympathetic arousal. However, as I walked through the airport practicing my Metta walking meditation, I realized that people who would usually add to my anxiety became opportunities for me to cultivate warmth and softness. I felt that each new face didn't increase my anxiety, but was another person with whom I was sharing the experience of traveling and being in that moment. No matter what they looked like, their age or where they were headed I felt connected to them. The feelings of being rushed, threatened, and ignored (which are often present in my heart in airports) all fell away I was able to find greater equanimity. As a result, I boarded my plane in a state of adaptive balance in my nervous system, rather than being sympathetically activated.
The Power of Connection
At the same retreat, I found myself feeling anxious and alone sometimes due to the silence and my being surrounded by total strangers. However, when I practiced my Metta meditation I felt the social barriers that I often build up fall away and an openness to connection began to bloom in my heart. I remember sitting outside on a bench one day between meditation sessions with a cup of hot tea. Another woman stepped outside and was looking around for a place to rest. Usually, I would have experienced a spike of social anxiety and sat quietly looking out into the distance. Although I know the power of co-regulation from a therapeutic perspective, the introvert in me often prevails outside of situations where I am acting as a therapist or a teacher. However, in that moment, due to the store of metta and warmth I had been building through my practice I caught her eye and welcomed her to sit next to me. Sitting there next to her in silence was a profound moment of peace and reminded me that lovingkindness can be like a fire that melts away the limitations social anxiety can impose on our lives. Cultivating lovingkindness can facilitate unexpected connections and fruitful moments of co-regulation.
The next time you feel anxious or dysregulated and mindfulness based practices or movement practices are not helpful, maybe try out Metta to find balance.
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